Dear Check-Out-Lady...

Dear Check-Out-Lady (aka: Erica..0r so the name tag says);

For GOD'S sake, do you REALLY have to be that slow?? Seriously? Does my grocery cart of milk, bread, peanut butter, and diapers confuse you? Or does it merely challenge you to ring up more than 1 gallon of milk at a time?? Hmmm?? Seriously. I would like an answer to this.

I mean, WHY does it take you ten minutes to ring up 7 items? Do you REALLY, really need a price-check on the bread? I don't give a crap if the sticker says $1.09, but it's ringing up as $1.29! I DON'T care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If it makes your life easier or faster (and mine at that), I will gladly, happily, willingly, pay the extra god damn 20 CENTS!

For god's sake, you don't have to call your friggin' manager over. I find it REALLY, really difficult to keep my patience when all I really want to do is pay the extra 20 cents so that I can get out of YOUR line! Sheesh. If you doubt MY impatience, please look behind me to see the other customers beating their heads on the conveyor belt in sheer exasperation. Or look at the lady behind me shooting you death glances and trying desperately to keep her 2 kids from stealing all the damn candy on the racks!

Do I have my Kroger's Savings Card???? At this point I don't give a damn, but yes. You already scanned it. Remember?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....It didn't go through?? How very curious. Sure, you can try it again, but hurry the hell up. And for fuck's sake, DON'T drop my fucking keys in your trash can again, or I just may snap and stab you repeatedly in the eye with them. Got it??

Oh, and when we get to the paying part -FINALLY- if I hand you a $20 bill for a total that rings up $16.40 and you hand me 60 cents in change AGAIN, I'm going to...I'm going to...well, I'm going to do something really, really bad! So there! And don't EVER argue with me about how much change I should get back!!!!!! Seriously. I will embarrass the hell out of you in public, at the top of my lungs. You found that out though, didn't you?

You should just quit. Actually you should quit everything. But you're so stupid, you may take that as meaning you should quit breathing. Although, I believe there is enough air in your head to sustain your life for years.

In short, you are too stupid to hold this job. In fact, I fear you are too stupid to shovel cow dung. If I ever have the misfortune to get into your checkout line again, I very well may have a heart attack and die. And my death will be on your hands.

Sincerely,

One extremely pissed off shopper