Thursday, February 26, 2009

Wow. It's been quite a while since I've blogged. I decided to put myself through blogger-detox which led to blogger-withdrawal. Strangely though, I haven't had any blogger-cravings in a few days.

Don't think I've forgotten everyone though! I haven't. I still read everyone's blog...I guess just lurking around, but for a while I just didn't have anything to say.

Strange, I know. No need to check my forehead for fever. No need to make me stick out my tongue and say "Ahhh." I'm not sick! lol

It's been a crazy-busy place around here for a while. Between work and physical therapy, I usually don't even get home until after 7:00pm. Sometimes later. I'm soooooooooooo tired! lol

Speaking of which, I have noticed that the standard physical therapists office is starting to look a lot more like a medieval torture chamber these days than what it looked like just a few years ago.

It starts out innocently enough...nice, clean waiting room. No interesting magazines...just yawn-inducing medical booklets on various health topics. Standard issue half -wall with the cutout window separating the patients from the receptionist, or whomever happens to be sitting at the window.

Then you're called back onto the "floor." I really don't think the term "floor" can accurately describe a space that is packed with padded tables, machines, exercise equipment, etc. Hell, you can barely SEE the floor! lol

In the middle of this floor is a GIGANTIC bed. A padded rubber bed....that is probably 2 times bigger than a king size bed. It even has pillows. Sounds nice and comfy, huh?

Then they whip out this hard foam roller. It's about 7-8 inches thick and about 3-4 feet tall. They lay it on the bed....and tell you to climb on. Oookkkkaaaaaaayyyyy. So, you sit on the end of this foam roller. Just so you know, I may not have the..ahem...sensitive equipment down below that a man does, but sitting on this thing feels like you're sitting on a tree trunk. It's HARD. I have no clue how they can get away with calling it "foam."

Then, they have you LAY on the foam roller, with your butt at one end and your head at the other. Remember, I said it's only about 7-8 inches thick. Yeah...figure out the mechanics of that. It hurts like a BITCH. The roller directly comes into contact with your spine.

So, now you're balanced on this stupid roller, trying to keep it from rolling out from under you or from falling off. Then they tell you to reach both arms up and then back down at the same time, like you're punching the sky. Torture, I tell ya.

After more various tortures exercises involving the foam roller, you move on to a regular padded table, like they have at most doctor's offices. Except they're longer, and..surprisingly, pretty damn comfortable.

Until they tell you to lay on your stomach scooted all the way to one side of the table. Now your left (or right, depending on what arm you're using) arm and part of your side is hanging into space. And you find yourself desperately holding on with dear life with your other arm. If that's not enough, you have to do various exercises with that arm that's hanging off...with weights. Like you're not already having balance issues.

After a few repetitions of that, now you're onto cervical traction. WHOA HOLD UP! What the hell did you just say??? Cervical what?? Who?? WTF!

Exactly. WTF is right. If you have claustrophobia, it's not for you. If you have issues with being tied down, it's not for you. However, if you're game, they strap your neck into this machine with a strap across your forehead holding you in. Then they slowly increase the pounds of pressure, and your neck is pulled. Yeeeaaaaahhhhhhh. As in feels like it's getting pulled off.

So, at this point, you're gauging the distance between you and the exit, trying to figure if you can run fast enough with this thing attached to your neck and head.

When that's over, you move to yet ANOTHER padded table. And they bring you electrodes. Yep. Electrodes. "What are those?", you may ask. in electricity. As in things they stick on your back to conduct electricity into your body. Yeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.

Now, I may surprise you here. Even though it resembles a torture chamber, and for the most part, the exercises are painful and difficult, I enjoy the HELL out of the TENS Unit. I actually do have a miniature one at home that I use from time to time. And I can stand the cervical traction, if I HAVE to. Barely. Sort of.

Even though physical therapy in general is uncomfortable, it does seem to be helping. I have another round of it tonight, so I'm definitely going to cut this short. Otherwise, I'll ramble all night!