Thursday, August 14, 2008

Dumb asses and then

I was going through some of my older blogs on myspace and found a couple that sort of relate to how I feel about recruiting at the moment...seemed a bit appropo with the job hunt and all...and since they about made me die laughing all over again, I figured I'd share. :-)

Ok, people. We ALL know that occasionally, you need to get a new job. It happens. For all kinds of reasons. But PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE put a goddamned phone number, and a WORKING one at that, on your damned resume. I think if I have to e-mail one more idiot letter (seriously, it's saved in my documents as the "idiot letter"), that says, "You applied...didn't leave a number...we need that", I think I'm going to scream. Or maybe I just won't contact you at all. If you can't provide a way for a company to get a hold of you, you're too stupid to have a job.
And, SERIOUSLY, if you live up in the freakin' Woodlands and don't plan on relocating or commuting, then for god's sake, DON'T apply to a company on the freakin' SOUTH side of Houston. You're wasting my time. I would rather spend the 5 minutes I'm wasting with you on someone who actually lives in the area.
Another thing, if the ad says in big, bold, capital letters, "DO NOT SEND ATTACHMENTS; THEY WILL NOT BE OPENED, then DON'T DO IT. Good lord people, are you BLIND??? I'm tired of turfing resumes because they're an attachment and not copy/pasted. Sheesh.
Also, if the freaking ad says in big, bold, capital letters, "ENTRY-LEVEL," that means that the position is entry-level. I don't CARE if you have 50 years experience in whatever it is you did with your career. It's ENTRY-LEVEL. I'm not gonna offer your ass the salary level you want. Apply somewhere you'll be happy with the pay. Don't waste my time. Or yours. And of course if you are fresh out of school, no ACTUAL experience, been leeching off mommy and daddy your whole life, and your only job was at Blockbuster part-time while you were in school, I'm NOT going to offer you 75K. Are you out of your MIND??? Come back when you've got something to bring to the table.

But I swear to GOD if someone calls me ONE MORE TIME with
Them: "Hi. I'm calling about the entry level marketing ad online...What's the job?"
Me: " tell me..WHAT ad are you calling about?"
Them: "the entry level marketing one"
Me: Uhh...okkk...I think you already have your answer, but in case you missed it..the job is MARKETING"
Them: Do I have to come to the office everyday?
Me: No, sir, we're going to call you at random times during the day, make you spin in a circle, pick your nose, stand on one foot, drive around town for a few minutes, and go home. Then tomorrow we'll make you come in so the manager can make sure you don't have any MORE of your brains leaking out or drool on your shirt.
OR: (and I ACTUALLY have heard this one!)
Them: So, what do the women look like there?
Me: We're all 300 lb, cheeseburger-addicted with a flatulence problem and sweaty armpits...good lord sir, are you TRYING to get slapped with a SH suit BEFORE you get hired??

Yeah, well I think this served to entertain me more than anyone else, but for those of you who do the same thing I do...I'm sure you get